Free Fall
by Nanuk
Summary: An unexpected call shakes both Owen and Nathan.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Free Fall

Summary: An unexpected call shakes both Owen and Nathan.

Disclaimer: Disclaimed.

Note: ESL

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The day his heart gave out was the day that Megan Hunt came home.

There was no spectacular arrival, no flashlight blaring, no insistent beep to call him. It was the sight of Owen, oblivious and silent in a maelstrom of patients, that warned him, and the dim awareness of his heart suddenly thundering in his chest. His tongue, dry and clumsy, tried to call the man who had been his best friend, who had almost been his brother and who now stood frozen in pain, his mind lost to the world.

"Owen."

His voice caught, and he took a step and tried again, unable to look away, unable to tear his gaze from the other man's stillness. There seemed no air left in the room, and yet he moved forward, unaware of anything but the man in front of him, and the secrets he held.

"Owen … " He was close enough now, close enough to touch a shoulder, close enough to see the other's brows knitted together in confusion, close enough to feel the startled shudder when his hand tightened on a tense back.

"I … I need ..." Owen's eyes were unsteady, unfocused on his face, and for a moment Nathan wondered what his friend was remembering, which scenes he was seeing in his mind that caused such pain, and he knew he wanted those memories, but would never ask.

He envied him, envied every moment they hadn't shared, and he grabbed Owen's arms to calm the hand that was vainly clutching at his chest, trying to rip out the hole where his heart had been.

"I need to go." Owen's voice was breathless as he stood, lost, but his eyes finally settled on him, and his hand stilled, and it was that look that proved to be Nathan's undoing, the mirror image of what he had been afraid of for too long.

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tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Later, breathing in stale elevator air, he would remember that Owen had slapped his back before he left. Later, he would remember that underneath the stupor etched in the other man's face, there had been a degree of empathy, layered and hidden as always between them.

Later, he would remember his colleagues' concerned looks as they assessed him from as far away as the other side of the hallway, their faces dripping with curiosity and composure in the face of an emergency. Later, he would assume that it was an emergency, for Hunt had left before his shift ended, something that was unprecedented, unheard of, much talked about.

Now, he stared at his hands over the sink and noted their calmness. A few days ago he had seen Meredith, had wondered and marvelled at a future. His hands were the same as they had been then and, looking up, watching the patient being prepared, he knew he could perform this surgery without thoughts of future or past, without thoughts of anything or anyone.

He knew he should call Owen, he knew he should call Meredith, and didn't know anything at all. Would Owen call him, he wondered, tightening a knot, would he be asked to come?

Should he bring flowers, he mused, handing his scalpel to the nurse who took it from him and turned away without a second glance. Still at a loss he stepped out into the hallway, greeted the family, spoke to the spouse. There was Meredith, calling his name, and so he left, his mind blank.

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tbc


	3. Chapter 3

When Dr. Hunt didn't return for a week, they asked him, their worried glances wandering over his face looking for clues. He didn't want to share, wanted to hold on to what had held him up these past years, always knowing he was deluding himself, but unable to stop.

He had not been able to talk to Owen, because Owen didn't talk. The invitation had come from Mrs. Hunt, and so he had gone and set foot in a house he had not been to in years, calling himself a fool for his nervousness. He could not tell his colleagues that it had taken him hours to find a proper suit, or that he had taken her sunflowers out of spite.

He could not tell them that his friend had been standing alone, his arm around his mother, his thoughts a lifetime away. He did not want to dwell on the thought that Amelia's absence had given him an ugly moment's satisfaction that his friend who had betrayed him suffered the same way he was. He did not share that the look on his friend's gaunt face haunted him ever since.

What he wanted to tell them was what did not happen. They didn't have a drink together, afterwards, they didn't share a smile and joke, remembering, and the absence of her, and him, grew and filled his head, and left him wondering what he was doing here of all places, after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Somehow, something had slipped out, and sympathies started pouring in, drowning the both of them in memories and regrets. He watched Owen retreat into work, watched him distance himself from well-meant counsel, and couldn't blame him. The guilt was hard to endure, even in broad daylight, eating them both from inside out night after night.

He watched Amelia watching Owen, taking notice at last of her husband's preoccupation, and turned away, tired of more pain and unable to help.

The days he found himself next to Owen in the prep room, they kept their silence and solitude, an armour against the turmoil of emotions churning their insides. It was comfortable, suffering their flashbacks together, their old familiarity returning as the days went by because it was so much easier not to talk about what they had lost.

When Owen broke the rules one day, Nathan closed his eyes.

 _You did all you could_ sounded in his ears long after he had been left standing alone, but it felt like a blanket wrapped around his freezing self and he scoffed at the notion that he needed what had been offered.

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tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Did he come to Seattle in an attempt to mend what had been broken? He went for coffee when invited and stared hard at a gold-framed picture of the three of them that could not have been taken because surely they had never looked that hopeful and innocent.

In surgery, he laid his hand over Owen's when the scalpel shook over untouched skin and felt the tremors deep in his bones. Owen never looked at Amelia, but she followed him when he left, while Nathan frowned over the grateful glance thrown his way and then met Meredith's eyes which were smiling.

In the end, they met for a drink and a joke, smiling over damp memories, each careful and shy, afraid that any more hurt would break their comfortable shell of pain, but talking once again, with each other, a rare gift, Megan always by their side.

It was worth staying for, he thought, looking at his best friend, his brother once more. It was well worth staying for.

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End


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